Physician's Sample

All the pharmaceutical companies give physician's sample to their medical representatives to promote different products. Samples of some established brands are also given in order to 'oblige' a doctor. But more often than not, the physician's sample reach different hands rather than reaching to the actual physicians. Undercutting of rates, greedy doctors, greedy chemists, infiltration from other territories, unreasonable sales budget and somewhat lethargic sales representatives are some of the reasons for this situation. The list; I have mentioned; may not be a complete one and hence you are free to make your own addition and deletion. This story is about the so called 'judicious' use of physician's sample.

Once upon a time, all the representatives were given some units of a hotcake product. But those units were not from the physician's sample lot rather they were the actual market pack; with MRP neatly written on them. While giving the medicine 'XYZ' to us our first line manager told us to 'judiciously' use them. Almost all of us accepted the packets with child like glee. And I am sure that most of us must have used them quite judiciously.

After about a couple of months of that incident all the representatives of the region converged to a major town for cycle meeting. Such meetings often happen to review the sales situation so that timely corrective actions could be taken to meet or surpass the sales budget.

On the first day of the meeting, I was getting ready when I got a call on the intercom. It was my first line manager. He told me to meet him in room number 302 after finishing breakfast. Once I was in the restaurant; looking for something light for breakfast; I got to know that all the other representatives had got similar massage from their bosses. What was surprising was that all of them had been called to the same room, i.e. room number 302.

The moment I entered the room number 302, my first line manager asked me, "Can you recall that I gave you 100 units of market pack of XYZ about two months back?"

I asked with a sense of surprise, "Yeah, I can. Do you want them back?"

My boss said, "No, I just want to know how did you utilise them."

The room was full of other first line managers from the region and many representatives as well. I nonchalantly replied, "I gave them to Rakesh."

My boss appeared to be surprised and said, "What? You gave it to Rakesh; your wholesaler? Why?"

I calmly replied, "It was of short expiry. I gave it to him so that he could use them judiciously. As simple as that."

My boss said, "Actually, some big guns from the head office have come to attend this meeting. You are not supposed to give this answer in front of them."

I guffawed at his statement and said, "Now you have given me the guess question, so it is your duty to tell me the correct answer which I am supposed to give."

My boss explained to me the ideal answer to that tricky question. The same answer was spoon-fed to all other medical representatives.

After that pre-meeting planning, the meeting began at 9 AM. The first line manager from Kanpur was the first to speak. He was wearing spotless white shirt from a costly brand. The polka dot tie on the shirt spoke of his sense of fashion. He was using a highly literary language as if he was addressing the General Assembly of the United Nations. Everyone appeared to be taking keen interest in his speech but in reality nobody was taking him seriously. Finally, he came to the crux of the matter and said, "Sir, let me talk about the real 'innovative' use of the market pack of XYZ which was given to each team in this region. All of my representatives went to the district hospital and different guys went to different departments to conduct the blitz campaign. We made an interesting story so that the doctor could hear. We told the doctor that it was the birthday of our product XYZ and hence our company was generous enough to give market pack for his patients. We asked the doctor to prescribe XYZ to his patients for at least 15 days. Five days' dose was given from our side............."

On his clue, the senior-most representative from his team flashed a transparent zipper pouch; with XYZ tablets inside. He said, "Sir, that is how we gave these tablets to each patient to whom the doctor had prescribed XYZ. The senior guy was duly followed by other representatives in the team and everybody repeated the same ritual.

Hearing that, the hitherto silent audience erupted in a huge round of applause. The customary round of applause was followed by almost similar presentation of the first line manager and his team from another headquarter. We also repeated the same ritual when it was the turn of our team.

After that, the national sales manager brought a wry smile on his face and said, "I am overawed with your commitment to core values which you should always follow as great employee of this great company. It is heartening to see that all the first line managers thought on the same line. This must be because of the wonderful orientation which our company provides once someone gets promoted to the ranks of a first line manager. With such a dedicated field force like you, nobody is going to stop us from serving the humankind the way we have been doing till date."

His speech was followed by a deafening round of applause. After that it was the time for lunch break. 

सेल्समैन का प्रोमोशन?

इतवार का दिन था इसलिए मैं सुबह के 9 बजने के बावजूद बिस्तर पर ही लेटा हुआ था। पिछले सप्ताह काफी टूर होने के कारण मैं अपने सनडे का पूरा मजा लेना चाहता था। बिस्तर पर लेटे लेटे मैं नाश्ते के लिये किसी बढ़िया मेनू के बारे में सोच ही रहा था कि कॉल बेल की आवाज सुनाई दी। जब मैने दरवाजा खोला तो सामने राकेश खड़ा था। राकेश भी मेरी तरह ही मेडिकल रिप्रेजेंटेटिव है। उसे देखते ही मेरे मुँह से निकला, "क्या बात है, लगता है सुबह सुबह ही नहा धोकर तैयार हो गये हो। माथे पर टीका भी लगा है। लगता है सीधा मंदिर से आ रहे हो। कोई खास वजह?"

राकेश बहुत खुश नजर आ रहा था और वह खुशी उसकी आवाज में भी झलक रही थी। उसने 1000 वाट की हँसी बिखेरते हुए कहा, "हाँ, एक अच्छी खबर है। मेरा प्रोमोशन हो गया है। मंदिर गया था प्रसाद चढ़ाने। लो लड्डू खाओ।"

मैने उससे लड्डू लिया और लड्डू का एक टुकड़ा मुँह में लेते हुए कहा, "क्या बात है। बधाई हो। लगता है एरिया मैनेजर बन गये हो। किस हेडक्वार्टर में पोस्टिंग हुई है। भैया, मैनेजर बनने के बाद हम लोगों को भी याद रखना।"

राकेश ने मेरी बात बीच में ही काटते हुए कहा, "अरे नहीं, एरिया मैनेजर नहीं बना हूँ.......।"

मैने फिर पूछा, "तो तुम्हारी कम्पनी में भी मेरी कम्पनी की तरह रीजनल ट्रेनिंग मैनेजर का पोस्ट क्रियेट हुआ है?"

राकेश ने आगे कहा, "नहीं, नहीं। अब मैं मेडिकल रिप्रेजेंटेटिव से सीनियर मेडिकल रिप्रेजेंटेटिव बन गया हूँ। सैलरी में थोड़ा हाइक मिला है। एलाउएंस भी थोड़ा बढ़ गया है।"

मैने कहा, "चलो अच्छी बात है। लेकिन तुम्हें नहीं लगता कि ये कम्पनी वाले बिना मतलब की बात करते हैं। प्रोमोशन के नाम पर लॉलीपॉप पकड़ा दिया तुम्हें। वैसे भी तुम पाँच साल से काम कर रहे हो। सीनियर तो हो ही गये।"

मेरी बात सुनकर राकेश कुर्सी में धँस सा गया। वह बोला, "आज तक किसी छोटे शहर के मेडिकल रिप्रेजेंटेटिव को प्रोमोट होते हुए सुना है? वही प्रोमोट होते हैं जो मैनेजर के हेडक्वार्टर में रहते हैं। हमारे जैसे लोग तो बस सीनियर मेडिकल रिप्रेजेंटेटिव या बिजनेस डेवलपमेंट मैनेजर का डेजिग्नेशन पा लें वही बहुत है।"

मैने कहा, "इस बारे में मेरा कॉन्सेप्ट तो बिलकुल साफ है। डेजिग्नेशन चाहे जो हो तुम फिर भी कम्पनी के पायदान में सबसे निचले पोजीशन पर हो। कम्पनी का कोई भी वर्कर तुम्हें रिपोर्ट नहीं करता है। तुम्हारे जॉब का नेचर वही रहता है। फिर ये किस तरह से प्रोमोशन हुआ?"

राकेश ने कहा, "अब तुम्हारे जितना दिमाग मेरे पास तो है नहीं। अरे इस तथाकथित प्रोमोशन पर मुझे थोड़ी खुशी मनाने से तो मत रोको। आज थोड़ा जश्न मनाते हैं। खाना तो तुम बहुत अच्छा बनाते हो। चलो चिकन खरीद कर लाते हैं और साथ में बियर भी। खर्चा मेरी तरफ से। ठीक है?"

मैने भी सोचा कि छोटी छोटी खुशियाँ मनाने का हक तो सबको है। इसलिए मैने कहा, "क्या बात कही है। मैं झटपट तैयार हो जाता हूँ।" 

डॉक्टर लिखता क्यों नहीं है?

शाम में जब मेरा रूम मेट राकेश काम से थका हारा वापस लौटा तो कुछ कुछ हताश भी लग रहा था। उसने अपना हाथ मुँह धोया और फिर अपने लिये चाय बनाई। उसके बाद वह एक बीन बैग पर बैठ कर चाय पीने लगा। साथ में उसने एक सिगरेट भी जलाई। वह बार बार सिगरेट का धुँआ नीचे फर्श की तरफ छोड़ रहा था।

मैं समझ गया कि वह अंदर से बहुत परेशान था। मैंने पूछा, "क्या बात है? आज कुछ ज्यादा ही परेशान लग रहे हो। बॉस से कहा सुनी तो नहीं हो गई?"

राकेश ने सिगरेट का एक गहरा कश लिया और बोला, "नहीं यार, बॉस तो पिछले वीक ही काम कर के गया है। एक डॉक्टर है जिसपर मैने काफी मेहनत की है। मेरी कंपनी ने हाल ही में एक नया एंटिबायोटिक लॉन्च किया था। अगर वह लिख दे तो मैं ऑल इंडिया टॉपर बन जाऊँगा।"

मैने तुक्का लगाते हुए पूछा, "तुम कहीं डॉक्टर बी के मुखर्जी की बात तो नहीं कर रहे?"

राकेश ने हामी भरते हुए कहा, "हाँ यार, एक वही तो डॉक्टर है हमारी टेरिटरी में जो किसी प्रोडक्ट को छू भर दे तो लड़के प्रोमोट हो जाते हैं।"

मैने कहा, "मुझे तो लगता है कि तुमने उसके पीछे काफी मेहनत की है।"

राकेश ने कहा, "हाँ भई, पिछले छ: महीने से हर महीने चार बार मिल रहा हूँ। गिफ्ट और सैंपल से लाद दिया है। सुबह सुबह रोज ओपीडी शुरु होने से पहले उसे अपनी बत्तीसी भी दिखा आता हूँ। लेकिन वह तो टस से मस नहीं हो रहा।"

मैने कहा, "लगे रहो। आज न कल अगर इसने तुम्हारे प्रोडक्ट को पकड़ लिया तो फिर तुम्हारी तो निकल पड़ी।"

राकेश की चाय तब तक खत्म हो चुकी थी। सिगरेट का आखिरी कश खींचने के बाद उसने उसके टोंटे को बड़ी बेरहमी से ऐश ट्रे में कुचला और बोला, "अब मैने सोच लिया है। बहुत हो चुका। कल जाता हूँ और उससे सीधे-सीधे पूछता हूँ।"

मैंने कहा, "क्या पूछोगे? तुम्हारा प्रोडक्ट क्यों नहीं लिखता? बोलेगा इट इज नॉट माई जॉब्।"

राकेश अपने नथुने फड़काते हुए बोला, "मैं पूछूंगा कि डॉक्टर साहब आप क्यों नहीं लिखते। मेरी कम्पनी खराब है? मेरे प्रोडक्ट खराब हैं। या मेरा चेहरा खराब है। कुछ तो बोलेगा।"

मुझे मन ही मन उसकी बुद्धि पर तरस आ रहा था। मैने उससे कहा, "भैया, कोई भी डॉक्टर तब तक किसी प्रोडक्ट को हाथ नहीं लगाता जब तक कि वह उसके बारे में पूरी तरह से कॉन्फिडेंट न हो जाये। उसे प्रोडक्ट की मेरिट बताओ। उसे कोई एक इंडिकेशन बताओ। खाली रट्टू तोते की तरह उसके आगे गला साफ करने और उसे अपनी बत्तीसी दिखाने से कुछ नहीं होगा।"

राकेश ने मुझे लगभग घूरते हुए कहा, "भैया, ये सब चोंचले तुम बड़ी कम्पनी वालों के हैं। हम जैसे छोटी कम्पनी वालों से डॉक्टर बस प्रोडक्ट का नाम सुन ले वही बहुत है। तुम अपना ज्ञान अपने पास ही रखो। मुझे अपनी स्टाइल से काम करने दो।"

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A Day in Life of Sales Guy

Rakesh hurriedly put his heavy detailing bag on the luggage rack and took a window seat in the bus. His bag was made of  thick leather of reddish color; which is the typical bag carried by medical representatives. Although nylon backpacks have replaced this traditional bag in most of the companies, the red leather bag is still considered as an ID proof for medical representatives across India. Many people easily recognise a medical representative because of the read leather bag.

After getting the comfort of finding a seat in the bus, Rakesh lit a cigarette  and began making different shapes out of smoke emanating from his nostrils and mouth. He was thinking about the work ahead which he had planned to do once reaching a particular market.

A middle aged gentleman took the seat next to his seat. He was wearing a half-sleeve shirt which was not tucked inside the trousers. He was carrying a small pouch-like bag which was slung from his wrist. The gentleman craned his neck through in front of Rakesh and spat a powerful jet of betel juice out of the window. After clearing his throat, the gentleman asked from Rakesh, "Looking at your red leather bag, it appears that you are working as MR. Have I guessed it right?"

Rakesh gave a smile and said, "Yes sir, you have guessed it right."

The middle aged gentleman continued, "If you don't mind, can I ask you a question?"

Rakesh said, "Yeah, go ahead,"

The gentleman asked, "Actually, I am in the process of finalising the marriage of my only daughter. The prospective groom is working as an MR at Begusarai. I am unable to recall the name of the company but he appears to be earning handsome money. But I have a doubt. Is this job of permanent nature or is it for a fix period?"

Rakesh said, "Sir, it depends. I have seen many guys who have retired after working for more than three decades. Then I have also seen many guys who get kicked out of the job within six months."

The gentleman appeared to be worried, "Why do they kick out people from jobs? Did they get caught in some scam or bribery?"

Rakesh said, "No sir, it is not like that. Who is going to pay a bribe to a medical representative. A medical representative is not going to issue a driving license or ration card to you. A common man seldom needs to deal with a medical representative. In fact, survival in this job depends on performance; I mean sales. If a person continues to give sales to suit his company's requirement he can continue for as many years as he wishes. If someone fails to bring sales then nobody can help him."

The gentleman appeared to be more worried, "If this is the situation, then why do people join this profession?"

Rakesh said, "Sir, I am a plain vanilla graduate. I have no technical qualification and I come from a lower middle class family. I am not intelligent enough to crack the competition for government jobs. As I belong to the forwards caste so less number of available vacancies is another problem."

The gentleman asked, "But the prospective groom was sharing with me that he beat at least a thousand guys to land in this job. He said that he was highly intelligent."

Rakesh said, "I don't know about your prospective groom but I am a mediocre guy. Nevertheless, this is a decent job and you can go ahead to marry your daughter with a medical representative."

The gentleman had probably made up his mind. He said, "No way. I am now going to find some clerk in the government department. I think a clerk would be better than a medical representative for my daughter."

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A Day in Life of a Sales Representative" 

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Fun in Train 2

"अंकल आप क्या कर रहे हैं?" बच्चे ने उस आदमी से पूछा।

उस आदमी ने मफलर को ठीक करके अपने चेहरे को और छुपाते हुए बोला, "देखते नहीं , बल्ब निकाल रहा हूँ?"

बच्चे ने फिर पूछा, "तो आप खराब बल्ब को निकाल कर नया बल्ब लगाते हैं? आप रेलवे के मैकेनिक हैं?"

उस आदमी ने बल्ब को अपने जैकेट की जेब में डालते हुए कहा, "नहीं, मैं इस बल्ब को अपने घर ले जाउँगा, फिर घर में रोशनी होगी।"

बच्चे ने कहा, "लेकिन यह बल्ब तो रेल का है। आप इसे चोरी कर रहे हैं?"

उस आदमी ने थोड़ा खीझते हुए कहा, "ऊपर देखो, लिखा हुआ है कि रेल की संपत्ति आपकी अपनी संपत्ति है।"

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Fun in Train

बंटी को नाक भौं सिकोड़े लौटता देखकर उसकी माँ ने पूछा, "क्या हुआ? लगता है टॉयलेट बहुत गंदा है।"

बंटी ने कहा, "हाँ, लगता है किसी देहाती आदमी ने कल रात ढ़ेर सारा खाना खा लिया था और उसी को पूरी टॉयलेट सीट पर निकालकर अभी अभी निकला है। पता नहीं कैसे कैसे लोग चले आते हैं ट्रेन में सफर करने। बदबू से तो बुरा हाल है। मैंं तीन दिन तक रोक लूंंगा लेकिन ऐसी हालत में मेरी तो नहीं निकलेगी।"

बंटी की माँ ने कहा, "बेटा, ये तुम्हारे बेडरूम का अटैच बाथरूम नहीं है। ट्रेन से चलते समय इन सब चीजों को बर्दाश्त करने की आदत डाल लेनी चाहिए।"

You may have experienced similar situation while traveling by train. Read such anecdotes in my novel "Your Train is Running Late"


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Fun on Train

The passenger appeared to be highly annoyed when he said to the pantry staff, "Hey! Why do you sell mineral water of fake brands? You are also charging way beyond the maximum retail price."

The pantry staff rudely answered, "Take what you get. You have no other option than to buy from us."

The passenger was flabbergasted, "I am going to complain about this. Can I get the complaint form?"

The pantry staff laughed while he replied, "We don't keep complaint forms. For getting a contract for this train, our owner had paid a huge sum of commission to the higher authorities in the railways. No, point in complaining."

The pantry staff further continued, "If you are so particular about quality then you should buy a private jet to travel in this country.

You may have experienced such harrowing experience while travelling by train. Read about a not so pleasant experience of travellers during a train journey. Buy my new novel "Your Train is Running Late"