National Commission for Men

Karnataka Chief Minister Siddaramaiah is a nervous wreck these days. He is too horrified to even utter a single word; after what happened to him at a public function. Had it been a private function, he could have carried it with aplomb. All his reputation; earned after so many years of hard work; has suddenly burst like a fully inflated balloon. He is too ashamed to flaunt his 56 inch chest in public. To add insult to his injury, Pahlaj Nihalani is planning to censor all the press clippings and viral video of a woman kissing the Karnataka Chief Minister.

According to highly reliable sources, Siddaramaiah has secretly held a meeting with Somnath Bharti. Both of them are planning to form a National Commission for Men (NCM) with its head offices near the party office of Aam Admi Party. Even Salman Khan has assured them to join in their fight for the dignity of men. The newly formed NCM will look into cases pertaining to hurt dignity and sentiment of the male species in India. But they are facing an uphill task because National Commission for Women is against this idea.

With powerful male politicians at its helm, the proposed National Commission for Men begins its work without even setting a proper office. Within 24 hours, they get huge response from the common men of the country. There are many complaints regarding harassment of men by the females of the country. Our chief correspondent could lay his hands on some of the complaint letters which reached the office of NCM. Some excerpts are given below:

This is a complaint from a man from Bihar: “I was deeply addicted to the country liquor. I believe I was right because it promoted the Swadeshi industry; which even Baba Ramdev would approve. But my wife joined hands with several other women who rallied behind prohibition policy of Nitish Kumar. Unable to get my daily fix, I am just a disheveled heap of bones and muscles. My productivity is at its lowest. Please help.”

This is a complaint from a man from Delhi: “I was in a live in relationship with highly successful software professional. The lady always pressed me for an early marriage but I refused so that we could carry on with our independent lives. The woman has lodged an FIR; claiming harassment in the garb of false promise of marriage. I am a mama’s boy and cannot marry against my mother’s wishes. Isn’t it a show of respect for the womankind? But this lady has no respect for my mother. Please help.”

This is complaint from a doctor from a district hospital of a small town in Uttar Pradesh: “The lady in question was deeply in love with me. I tolerated her advances for many years. When I refused her marriage proposal, the lady threw acid at my face. My badly mutilated face has badly mutilated my clinical practice. What to do?”

This is a complaint from a superstar from the Bollywood film industry: “I have complaint against almost all the women of this country. I tried to make loveable relationship with many leading ladies of my fraternity. All of them ditched me midway and went on to pursue their own married lives. Even at the ripe age of fifty, I am unable to find a suitable match. Even the matrimonial classifieds have refused to carry my advertisement. Somehow, when I managed to get hold of a lady; these mediapersons are trying to spoil my last chance of finding a suitable bride.”

This is a complaint from a man who is working as a Sales Representative: “Because of my job, I need to travel on my bike for at least 10 hours in a day. When I come back to my home; I have no energy left to do anything. But my wife expects me to make a cup of coffee for her. She also wants me to take her for a ride. I am suffering from low performance not only in my sales but also in my personal life. It appears to me that all through the seven years of my married life, my wife has been taking me for a ride. She spends most of my income on her makeup and new dresses. Please help me to get out of this mess.”